Skip to main content

Neither Here, Nor There


Some days it feels as though I live between two worlds. One foot firmly planted right where I want to be and the other, well on a path I never imagined. The hardest part for me is reconciling the two.  I've yet to master it & in fact this is my most recent prayer request. I am not good at balancing, anyone who knows me, knows I don't ride the fence.  So this betwixt & between is rather unnerving, to say the least, and in fact, challenges my life of "being real".  Who is the "real" me, the firmly planted one or the one who questions every step on the rocky path? How can I be both???

I share this because maybe you have been where I am, maybe you see it coming in your life.  I don't have answers for you tonight, I simply say that I know the One who will reconcile all things.  "ALL" being my favorite part!  He will make sense out of all the crazy, restore ALL things & makes beauty from my ashes (this blog is, in fact, just one way He will fulfill this promise to me!) .  That Hope holds my head up tonight.  That Hope keeps my eyes set upon Him and off the storm brewing around me.  That Hope allows me to jump out of the boat & walk on the water with Him, knowing I will not sink as long as my gaze is fixed on His goodness.  

So in this light, once again, what does it matter where I stand?  Am I less authentic because of this duality in my life I cannot control? What matters most,"who I am" or "Whose I am"? Since we could spend our whole lives "finding ourselves" and never getting beyond our own nose, never accomplish anything of any consequence what good is that?  But if I rather rest in "Whose" I am then I can get over myself and on with the purpose of this life - bringing the Hope, that I have come to know first hand, to those in need. 

Until the day that I see my Savior face to face, I wait - one foot firmly planted on the Rock and the other on the rocky path.  One day soon He will reach down, take my hand & pull me fully upon the ROCK and I will thank Him for the time I spent in two places for I will have learned something there I could learn nowhere else.


Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Buying Time

The world will tell you that “time is money.”
In part, it’s true.  Every moment is precious and we can only spend it once.  We sell off bits of the gift of time, our life, to buy things that we think add to our happiness here.  I don’t know about you, but I’ve become dissatisfied with this exchange.  This spending of the most precious to gain the fleeting.  I’ve not bought into the American “bigger/more is better” but it’s so easy to just slip into the daily-ness of life here that we can’t remember how we actually spent the past week, month, year…  Same old, same old as the sand slips quickly through the hourglass.  Oh, wealth can afford you to hire people to free up some of your time, but you have to maintain the wealth, that takes time. 
But what if I told you that you could buy more time. How much would you want? What would you be willing to sell to buy it?
The paradigm shift comes when you realize that Timeis the most valuable commodity on earth.  It’s easy, from this perspective…

Flying

Flying - 5/25/18 the first day of the rest of my life and there is a beautiful blank canvas before me...
That used to scare me, now I’m just timid about the first stroke.But the palette is being prepared for the Master and His work is always beautiful, so I rest as I wait.
Metaphors will abound today, for I love them!They breathe life into our limited language and paint deeper understanding in our minds.;-)
Last night, as I drove away from HDC, the place & people who have been my home for over 13 years, my heart broke and it was a Gilgal moment. Remembering pulling into the parking lot for the first time over 18 years ago, now leaving it for the last time…So, so much life has happened in between!And God in His faithfulness to me, bound me up in short time and as I blew a blessed kiss and waved goodbye the tears began cease and my heart, held fast within His loving hands, overflowed with gratitude for the great gift, actually a desire of my heart that I expressed on that first day…

The Watch

The watch.  All I could think of was his watch, I knew he'd have been wearing it, he always did.  I needed it, as if it held some great key with which to padlock my grief, my heart just had to have it.  And as my eyes fell upon it, I had a knowing that he'd been wearing it and I reached for it and clutched it to my heart.  The pin for the band broken, probably upon impact, tearing the leather. And there was a deep scratch on the crystal, these, the only evidence of that his breath had passed from this life and into the next.  The second hand ticked steadily on as if nothing had happened.  I almost wanted it to have been damaged, just enough to have stopped those ticking hands, to stop time, to mark the moment that a piece of my heart had been torn away. Broken, shattered, time was now warped for me. Yesterdays are now the only tomorrows I have with him.

The watch seemed too heavy in my hand.  Oh, yes, it was a large watch to be sure.  He liked them that way.  He loved watches…

Thrice Sealed

Father God in His loving care, has pressed us in His hand. Indelibly our fate is sealed untouched by any man.
His love so great He sent His Son and yet again we’re sealed, Through cross and death and Blood, and yet, in Jesus we are healed.
And is our God, perfectly complete, He poured His Spirit out And Holy Spirit once-for-all, sealed us - now no doubt.
Thrice sealed, each member of the Godhead completing His own part. Thrice sealed, for surely we aid Him not, His grace, it needs no help. Thrice sealed, for all eternity complete and completed by Him.
None can snatch us, none can have us, none can thwart His mighty will.
Thrice securely, thrice assuredly, thrice, eternally sealed.

Written for my son Matt as we celebrate his life and lay him in the cleft of the rock. August 13, 2016