Neither Here, Nor There

Some days it feels as though I live between two worlds. One foot firmly planted right where I want to be and the other, well on a path I never imagined. The hardest part for me is reconciling the two. I've yet to master it & in fact this is my most recent prayer request. I am not good at balancing, anyone who knows me, knows I don't ride the fence. So this betwixt & between is rather unnerving, to say the least, and in fact, challenges my life of "being real". Who is the "real" me, the firmly planted one or the one who questions every step on the rocky path? How can I be both???

I share this because maybe you have been where I am, maybe you see it coming in your life. I don't have answers for you tonight, I simply say that I know the One who will reconcile all things. "ALL" being my favorite part! He will make sense out of all the crazy, restore ALL things & makes beauty from my ashes (this blog is, in fact, just one way He will fulfill this promise to me!) . That Hope holds my head up tonight. That Hope keeps my eyes set upon Him and off the storm brewing around me. That Hope allows me to jump out of the boat & walk on the water with Him, knowing I will not sink as long as my gaze is fixed on His goodness.

So in this light, once again, what does it matter where I stand? Am I less authentic because of this duality in my life I cannot control? What matters most,"who I am" or "Whose I am"? Since we could spend our whole lives "finding ourselves" and never getting beyond our own nose, never accomplish anything of any consequence what good is that? But if I rather rest in "Whose" I am then I can get over myself and on with the purpose of this life - bringing the Hope, that I have come to know first hand, to those in need.

Until the day that I see my Savior face to face, I wait - one foot firmly planted on the Rock and the other on the rocky path. One day soon He will reach down, take my hand & pull me fully upon the ROCK and I will thank Him for the time I spent in two places for I will have learned something there I could learn nowhere else.

Comments

When the pain get too big

There are times when the heartbreaks of this life collide with our weakness and the pain gets so big that even breathing is hard. It’s like being dragged under by the surf and tumbled over and over until up is down and you’re dragged along the bottom and raw wounds meet with salted surf and the searing pain of it is only a faint echo of the pain within your soul and you gasp for breath and flail helplessly, like a rag doll, until you’re eventually released upon the shore coughing up the brine of your own tears… This is where I have been. Literally on the verge of tears at every moment. Memories, regrets, sorrow, missing, aching, loss - churning, growing to tsunami intensity threatening to overwhelm. Today I received a devotional from a Jewish Messianic site challenging us regarding the Sabbath. Oh, how my soul yearned for it. A Sabbath, a rest. But the to-do list haunted and I headed to the shower to start the day. All the while rest was beckoning to me… What h

It matters not

It matters little who I am. Each one of us has a story to tell, a life filled with love, loss, heartache, joy & laughter. I am just a busted up pitcher. Yes, the image that came to your mind - whether one you pour iced tea from, the one with the chip on the lip so it spills as much down the outside of your glass as gets in. Or the little creamer pitcher your gramma had in her hutch, the one with the broken handle that has glue globbed on it's listing side. Or the one that you pour oil with, the one with the faint crack you overlook because you never think to replace it while you are shopping. Oh, or maybe it's the purple plastic juice jug that hit the heating coil in the dishwasher... melted a hole an inch from the top but you never fill it that full anyway. No matter what image came to your mind, that's me. The true value of a pitcher is not it's appearance or even its purpose but it's what the pitcher holds that is precious. The sole purpose of the p

Un-becoming

Let us rejoice and exult and give him the glory, for the marriage of the Lamb has come, and his Bride has made herself ready; it was granted her to clothe herself with fine linen, bright and pure"-- for the fine linen is the righteous deeds of the saints. [Rev 19:7-8] We’ve all been to weddings. Everything focuses around the bride. My favorite moment is to watch the groom as he catches the first glimpse of his bride, he’s overcome by her beauty – she’s prepared herself specifically and especially for this day. Now imagine, how does the bride of Christ prepare herself to be radiant for her beloved? Righteous deeds, good works… As I pondered this passage and how it applies to this season, I heard “Un-becoming” . I sense that this season we are in is a cleansing period, a time of preparation. UN becoming who we’ve become; busy, weary, anxious, overburdened, chameleon – being who others want or expect us to be. Lost, depressed, frustrated, needy. And instead, shed the shackl

The Cost of Freedom

Memorial Day I once thought I understood the cost of freedom. I’d heard the family stories, my momma named for her uncle shot down over France, I’d been to the parades and ceremonies, could repeat great quotes, I’d seen the movies… But then a few years ago I walked among the names – name after name after name, reaching far, even unto the horizon; and the faces of sons and daughters and mothers and fathers – determination in their countenance, fear in their eyes, aged beyond their years. One caught me as I walked by, gripped my heart and dragged me up close. He stared at me, wanting me to see, wanting to be known. Though his lips unable to speak it, his lifeless eyes told of the horrors he’d seen, the death he’d lived, the life he’d taken. He was just a boy, once full of life, now, full of death. He begged “Remember me.” And through tears I vowed I would never forget him. Him without a name, an ordinary face – just one among many… And then I stood, in reverential silence as mirr

Broken Pitcher

Translate

Search This Blog