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Selah

Today I let go my grip of yesterday which lie in the shadows of darkness, and turn 
full faced to the Son and step in, to embrace His glorious light.

I could see so clearly this vision and He was gracious also, to give me His Word. 1 Peter 2:10 -"But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for his own possession, that you may proclaim the excellencies of him who called you out of darkness into his marvelous light."

The Watch

The watch.  All I could think of was his watch, I knew he'd have been wearing it, he always did.  I needed it, as if it held some great key with which to padlock my grief, my heart just had to have it.  And as my eyes fell upon it, I had a knowing that he'd been wearing it and I reached for it and clutched it to my heart.  The pin for the band broken, probably upon impact, tearing the leather. And there was a deep scratch on the crystal, these, the only evidence of that his breath had passed from this life and into the next.  The second hand ticked steadily on as if nothing had happened.  I almost wanted it to have been damaged, just enough to have stopped those ticking hands, to stop time, to mark the moment that a piece of my heart had been torn away. Broken, shattered, time was now warped for me. Yesterdays are now the only tomorrows I have with him.

The watch seemed too heavy in my hand.  Oh, yes, it was a large watch to be sure.  He liked them that way.  He loved watches…

downpour

When the looming gray sky drips, and your heart drips and your soul leaks, and everything is wet and you stand in the downpour and you cry out "enough, enough"...  And you don't know which way is up.  And all around turns sour and even sweetness turns to gall.  And salty tears meet dreary raindrops and floods rise to the brim and the heart tips and spills out, pours out, unable to contain another blasted drop and swells rise and tides rise and overtake and breech the boundaries - causing comfort to run, so you shut down. - too much.  You are too much. 


And lead walls rise to break the tide and quell the flood  and salty tears, now inward flow  and wet from grief, wet from life, 
dry mutedly, out of sight.
And all is well, at least it seems
and quietly, yes quietly, 
peace comes to comfort in her dreams.
Yet in the darkness waves do rise
and beat upon her heart at night
and silently, her heart does break 
and in the silence, there she cries...


Becoming

So much life has come and gone since I last posted here that knowing where to start has been elusive.  Today though, things of old have been revived and new knowledge unveiled light that illuminated the path behind and before me.  So I  start in this moment, this day and look forward.  Not to the left or to the right.  I am set this day, full faced, ready to embrace this new journey, this new life - no matter what it may hold, this journey of becoming... 

Journey of becoming.  These words struck a chord so deep in me as the words rose from the page that it reached back many years and awoke a childhood dream.  "Becoming" has been a word over me for a few months now and even as theses words are penned a conversation comes to mind in which I shared that I felt that "I was becoming who I never wanted to be."  And in fact, it is in part, truth.  So, pardon the sidebar, but what does one call one who has had to bury her child?  A spouse would be a widow, a child an orphan…

Love in a bowl

So, what does "Love in a bowl" look like?
It looks like time It looks like taking time to select things of quality It looks like choosing carefully what goes in the bowl It looks like not getting bored with the routine or mundane It looks like puttin' a lil spice in your life It looks like taking time to have fun It looks like a beautiful mess It looks like focusing on the big picture It looks like late nights of laughter It looks like eager excitement over simple things It looks like abundance It looks like looking for ways to delight It looks like tasting and seeing goodness It looks like doing the small things in big ways It looks like finding reasons to celebrate
It looks like smiling with each slice - knowing the joy it will bring
And today, it looks something like this. :)
This bowl of love is being filled for my Sar! Today our reason to celebrate is YOU!
So Friend, there you have it, love in a bowl.  Enjoy!

"Lasts" - again

Today I had something else in mind but the LORD wanted to me to share this again so, take time to consider "Lasts" and what He's wanting to say to you. 
Lasts are very important to me, they always have been.  They are cherished memories, a "snap shot" held in the heart, if you will.  Last calls, last visits, last words...  I have a confession here. Because they are so important to me and handwritten notes are a lost gift, I keep several years Christmas cards tucked into the ornament box. Each year I take the previous years out of the box and re-cherish each one, holding one's love in my hands - pressing it into me heart. If it happens to be the "last" one I will have received it is reverently placed in a box my mom made for me.  But only after spending time considering what those last words represent...  One such treasure is from my Grandma Losey, whom I love dearly. She sent our family a letter when we lived in MO - she shared her gift of "ha…

NO THING

No Thing, nothing, NO THING is impossible for our God! 

I have believed those words, spoken those words, clung to these words, prayed those words and last night saw them with mine own eyes.

This life has afforded me several opportunities to see God mightily, miraculously work, His loving compassion being poured out.  Almost eight years ago to the day I was witness to an amazing miracle.  Words came forth from dead places, the first sign of God's promised restoration. And though it didn't look at all like what I expected, it is far greater!  

Last night, once again, I witnessed first hand, God reaching into irreparable pain-filled brokenness and speaking freedom, proclaiming life, defeating the sentence of death.  His healing touch so immediately present that all who observed knew God is the same yesterday, today and forever and He heals!  I caught myself in my own faithlessness expressing "I can't believe this"  Oh in that moment I saw the contradiction I was giving…

"...because Christ Jesus made me his own."

Philippians 3:12-19 "because Christ Jesus made me his own."
These words leapt off the page and into my heart this morning.

Oh, let's read them again "because Christ Jesus made me his own."  let them sink deeply into your heart, into those places of insecurity and doubt...

His work, not yours, saved you.  He chose you, you didn't choose Him.  He has everything, you have nothing.  You were an orphan and He brought you into His fold.   Christ Jesus made you His own. 

These powerful words follow Paul's account of his works and how he counts them as rubbish so that he may gain Christ and the righteousness that comes only from Christ Himself through faith in His finished work on the cross.

Who are you being today?  A weary frustrated mom; an overworked husband; an invisible teen; an overachiever seeking value; a woman who hates her reflection; a young man confident in his own ability; a hollow fa├žade; perfect in your own eyes; righteous in you works?  No matter wh…

The Mirror

"For every look at yourself, take ten looks at Christ He is all together lovely" - Sarah Potts

These words hang in my office as a beautiful reminder of where to find my identity.  Sometimes we can get caught up in who we are that forget who He is and we loose focus and our gaze falls on the mirror.  This is a terrible place to be.  Oh, outwardly it seems fine, even lauded by the world.  But inside, inside we begin to decay when we are disconnected with the One who made us, the One who saved us, the ONLY One who loves us perfectly.  And we begin to NEED to applause of the world and the validation found there.

The great tragedy of this is that the world is ever changing, so that image you gaze upon will have to be ever changing to keep up to be valued.  Today it's hair like this, tomorrow it's skin like that.  Today these are what we wear, tomorrow follow that.  Today eat this, tomorrow not that. Today read this, tomorrow think that.   Today make more, tomorrow spend mor…

Sin

"You can never let sin against you, produce sin within you." (Todd White)

Oh, these words echoed through my soul and I had to memorialize them lest I forget, and only now am I letting them soak in deeply.  

This is a key to loving as Christ does.  No matter what comes against you, you have a choice how to respond and it is in that moment we win or lose...  Win over a loved one with grace or lose the opportunity to influence.  Win in reconciliation or lose in broken relationship. Win in humbling self or lose in exalting  self.  Win, loving sacrificially or lose selfishly preserving.  Win in overlooking offense or lose in defending self.  Win in eternal victories or lose in temporal battles.  

There is so much depth here that I will leave you to meditate with it.  Roll it over and over again until you have gleaned every last morsel from it. Speak it aloud and take it in.  Let it beat against your deaf ears & blind eyes, let it beat against your hard heart, let it beat against…

Identity..

Oh, that we would know who we really are!  
Romans 8:19 For the creation waits with eager longing for the revealing of the sons of God.

Sit with this for a minute.  I believe there is multi-faceted depth in this verse - yes, we will be revealed when Christ returns, but I also believe this "now" passage.  

The LORD has been teaching me about who I am, who we are, in Him.  There is so much that hinders our ability to believe His Word to us.  Life stuff, heartbreak, shame, sin, pride, abuse, neglect...  
It is in the Light of Christ which we find out true selves.  It is in the Light of His Grace & Mercy that we are freed to live as He called us to live.  Lives of victory, lives of influence, lives of LOVE.  Overflowing, outrageous, radical, counter-culture, mind blowing LOVE!  It is there that we are truly free.  There, surrendered to the life that God planed for us before time even began.  

I am having such a hard time not writing a novel on this single thought because it chang…

Trees of Righteousness

It's almost 11:00 pm day 3 of a 4 day Jesus loving, Spirit moving, radical loving, life changing launch and I have spent the whole day saturated in the goodness of God!  I can't even begin to unpack it all right now but I wanted to share this with you.  This is supreme!

Today LORD the Word you gave me yesterday was confirmed by every speaker!  You have called us to be trees of righteousness.  In love we are to spread wide our full and laden branches, reaching over walls & barriers & valleys to those in need so that they may reach for and take hold of the fruit of Your Holy Spirit and taste an see that the LORD is GOOD!


Take this small seed deep into your heart and let it grow................

New

There's something about a fresh coat of paint, spring cleaning, and new beginnings...  It's exciting.  I think our spirits are keenly attune to God's Word, even if we don't know it or understand it.

We long for newness even when we don't like change.  We long for fresh starts, "do overs" if you will. New beginnings when we haven't been who we want to be...  God knew that and already enacted a plan for us.

"The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness." Lamentations 3:22-23

Oh, how these Words comfort me!  The last several years I have not been who I wanted to be.  I allowed the circumstances of life to have too much power to impact who I was.  God, in His Mercy & Faithfulness, has come to my aide and given me a fresh start, again. 

I sit here today so grateful & humbled that the God of the universe, that holds the universe in His hands, loves so deep…