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Becoming

So much life has come and gone since I last posted here that knowing where to start has been elusive.  Today though, things of old have been revived and new knowledge unveiled light that illuminated the path behind and before me.  So I  start in this moment, this day and look forward.  Not to the left or to the right.  I am set this day, full faced, ready to embrace this new journey, this new life - no matter what it may hold, this journey of becoming... 

Journey of becoming.  These words struck a chord so deep in me as the words rose from the page that it reached back many years and awoke a childhood dream.  "Becoming" has been a word over me for a few months now and even as theses words are penned a conversation comes to mind in which I shared that I felt that "I was becoming who I never wanted to be."  And in fact, it is in part, truth.  So, pardon the sidebar, but what does one call one who has had to bury her child?  A spouse would be a widow, a child an orphan, but what of a mother standing by the grave???  This is the place from which the phrase above was born.  I never wanted to be Mrs. So-in-so, remember that her son has died?  I was asked just yesterday if I had any children, my thoughts sped ahead of my reply and I wondered, what do I say?  Do I vaguely respond and leave the person wondering if I'm being aloof or if there's good reason not to go further?  Do I simply dump data with hope they were just being kind and didn't listen to the part that my youngest, my son, is gone?  Do I let it flow as it always has then simply add that my son has gone home?  I don't want pity but I do want truth, even if it's who I never wanted to be.  So in time, what is right will surface but until then pardon my dust...

For the past year God has been prompting me, speaking something I couldn't have imagined nor made up even if I wanted to.  What starts out as a lump of clay on the Potter's wheel eventually becomes according to the Potter's design.  I have felt like a lump of clay most of my life & have not been privy to His handiwork, but have surely felt it!  He lifted me from the wheel while He set a new foundation, then He secured me rightly and began to remove excess, remake me, reshape me, then refine me into something useful.  In moments like today, when His light is shone across my life it illuminates some of His work and I can see, or better said, get a sense, of what and who He's making me to be.  And it's scary and beautiful and breathtaking but mostly humbling.   More specifically I see fully that He has called me to speak His Word, called me to lovingly exhort those in their journey with Him, called me to share what He says - He's called me a prophet.  Today I accepted it - lock, stock & barrel.  He's been clearly directing my steps and He's used me to convey His Word but I've been resistant to the "formality" of accepting the role, the gift, of prophet.  Today, however, the black ink boldly stated what I had resisted as it described the life of a prophet.  My life was transcribed before me and it all unfolded as I continued to read.  I could resist no more and was wholly surrendered to the mantle before me.  In meek words whispered, power was loosed in my heart and raised me up under the mantle and it was light about me, not at all what I expected.  Oh, you see the life of a prophet is hard and involves much sacrifice so I expected the mantle to be likened in weight, but oh how wrong I was.  The life of a prophet is hard, so the mantle must be light, lighter then a feather, so light in fact, that one is lifted up into it and the accepting of the mantle actually lightens the load...


I am not who I was. 
And I am not yet who I will be.
But I'm further from who I was then.
And am closer now, to Thee.
The journey of becoming,
even if it's who i never wanted to be.

So for those who fear I've jumped off the ledge of grief into the abyss of crazy, you are only right in part.

"This is what the prophetic life and ministry are all about - human beings being filled with the breath of God, and then, in turn exhaling onto others the breath of life they received from their Creator." -James Goll, Lifestyle of a Prophet.  
See, not so scary.  Crazy yes, scary no. :)  I realize that I've been used of God in this capacity for awhile now and am just now putting the pieces of the puzzle together.  Looking back across my life I see piece after piece arise and now thy are taking form.  There is so much in this, such depth that cannot be fleshed out here, in this time and in this space.  But it's rich and full and overflowing with God's providence and in time will be made known.  Until then, the journey of becoming is launched full speed ahead and the horizon is glorious. 

Today two journeys converged and old dreams sparked, and I found myself, brush in hand, blank page before me, and Gungor playing "Beautiful Things" in the background.  What was to be simple testing of the waters, an exercise, became instead random strokes that took on life, and birthed before me Truth.   No image was in mind but my heart was better for it.  I found myself thinking about the accuracy of the piece but then was overjoyed at the thought that it was not.  Novice to be sure but it captured God's heart for me, for us all.  He makes beautiful things out of the dust, He makes beautiful things out of us. 

May His transforming love touch your heart as you taste this truth.


Beauty from Dust, 10/23/15

Comments

  1. Becoming.... Certainly you are being forged by trials. At the same time you are filled with Grace, such that your words flow with eloquence and pain tested grit. Becoming...some would say that you're closer to arriving, having shared His Word to comfort others while you're on the potter's wheel and are so often are being forged. My daughter, you are gifted and compassionate. It's obvious that HE is the cause of you're becoming. ..used, purposeful. ..putting Him 1st..His Broken Pitcher. Love ya. Poppa.

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  2. You are a Spiritual giant. I love your perspective, your encouragement and your tenacious persistent clamoring for more of Him. You're a major BOSS and I am so blessed to know you and stand in your shadow of greatness!!

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  3. I've been reading Jeremiah this past week and thinking about the role of prophet in todays world, and then I read your beautiful, authentic, and honest post. This is a role, a gift, that no one would sign up for, this journey of becoming, but your heart and your gift of writing were created for such a time as this, and you are "becoming" so well. You continue to be in my prayers. (I see that your gift of writing is shared with your dad too, well said GB) :) I never know the right thing to say, but please know that I love you and your family so very much.

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