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Begin with failing


So here I am, finally being obedient to the direction to go back to school and I am humbled before I even begin...

I registered for school!  (kinda anticlimactic as I type it...) While I wait for the administrative things to take place I am supposed to test on my biblical knowledge.  I wasn't "I've got this" but I thought I might pass well enough to test out of a few of the classes.  Well, I'm going to be very transparent here - I failed.  In reviewing the first test on the Pentateuch, I tanked, bad...  I had a moment of sheer panic!  It hit me like a brick wall. "who do you think you are?" "There is no way you'll ever get this done"  "You'll never remember all this!"  I am pretty sure my heart stopped for a moment.  I had failed.  "F" - failed, do not pass go, do not collect $200.  Oh, did I mention I am thinking of majoring in Biblical Studies???? LOL!

  I had to take hold of myself and give me a pretty stern talking to. (Something I haven't had to do in many years.) I got back on the proverbial horse and tanked the second test - although my score was higher this time, but still not enough.  After the third test, I cried "uncle" and decided that today was not the day I was testing out of anything.  

I sat with the LORD briefly and reminded myself that this was His plan and not mine, and then headed out into the day.

When looking at options for school one thing that kept running through my mind was something a mentor said at the beginning of a hermeneutics class. It went something like this... "If you are here for head knowledge then you are here for the wrong reasons. But if you are here for the Word of God to change your heart, then you cannot fail."  In that moment I was moved by the depth of his love for the Word of God and his acknowledgement of Its power.  Today, it gives me comfort as a face the daunting assignment of going back to school.  Back to how this impacted my choice of schools.  I don't want knowledge for knowledges sake.  I want to know what I know so that when needed I can stand firmly upon the Word of God because I KNOW - the tasted and seen kind of know - not the passing awareness of a thing.  I chose the school specifically because of the Lamad (a word I have come to, and I'm sure will come to all the more, appreciate) teaching method and the requirement of life application throughout all coursework.  Daunting it may be, but worth it!

Today at church, Pastor Tim's teaching was a perspective I had never known before.  He referenced much Scripture and styles of writing... then it hit me, I want to know God's Word like that!  And taking these classes that I failed to test out of will give me that kind of KNOWledge.  Not just a passing awareness.  The LORD knew the encouragement I would need and He was so gracious to me.  It always makes me smile when He loves so intimately.

In light of God's call and encouragement I can think of no better place to begin, than at the end of myself and the beginning of Him.  In my weakness (failures) He will be strong.  So the journey begins, one simple broken pitcher hoping to be filled to overflowing for the use and Glory of our Almighty God.  

Comments

  1. Don't you love it when the 'Ah ha' comes and a smile starts to form on God's face. He knew you would get there. He was just waiting for you to realize the value of it.

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